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Dana Lyons — Cows With Guns
Album: Cows With Guns
Avg rating:
6.9

Your rating:
Total ratings: 365









Released: 0
Length: 5:09
Plays (last 30 days): 0
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Fat and docile, big and dumb
They look so stupid, they aren't much fun
Cows aren't fun

They eat to grow, they grow to die
They die to be eat at the hamburger fry
Cows well done

Nobody thunk it, nobody knew
No one imagined the great cow guru
Cows are one

He hid in the forest, read books with great zeal
He loved Che Guevera, a revolutionary veal
Cow Tse Tongue

He spoke about justice, but nobody stirred
He felt like an outcast, alone, in the herd.
Cow doldrums

He mooed we must fight, escape or we'll die
Cows gathered around, cause the stakes were so high
Bad cow pun

But then he was captured, stuffed into a crate
Loaded onto a truck, where he rode to his fate
Cows are bummed

He was a scrawny calf, who looked rather woozy
No one suspected he was packing Uzi
Cows with guns

They came with a needle to stick in his thigh
He kicked for the groin, he pissed in their eye
Cow well hung

Knocked over a tractor and ran for the door
Six gallons of gas flowed out on the floor
Run cows run!

He picked up a bullhorn and jumped up on the hay
We are free roving bovines, we run free today

We will fight for bovine freedom
And hold our large heads high
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die...
Cows with guns

They crashed the gate in a great stampede
Tipped over a milk truck, torched all the feed
Cows have fun

Sixty police cars were piled in a heap
Covered in cow pies, covered up deep
Much cow dung

Black smoke rising, darkening the day
Twelve burning McDonalds, have it your way

We will fight for bovine freedom
And hold our large heads high
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die
Cows with guns

The President said "Enough is Enough!
These uppity cattle, its time to get tough"
Cow dung flung

The newspapers gloated, folks sighed with relief
Tomorrow at noon, they would all be ground beef
Cows on buns

The cows were surrounded, they waited and prayed
They mooed their last moos,
they chewed their last hay
Cows out gunned

The order was given, turn cows to whoppers
Enforced by the might of ten thousand coppers
But on the horizon, surrounding the shoppers
Came the deafening roar, of chickens, in choppers!

We will fight for bovine freedom
And hold our large heads high
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die
Cows with guns
Comments (155)add comment
Abso-freakin ridiculous. Just say no to the factory farm, campadres!
Posted 15 years ago by manzanitafire    [ Reply ]
Given the number of bad puns and political references, this rates at least an 8!

{#Roflol}
Posted 16 years ago by woodchuk    [ Reply ]
Three songs later and I'm still laughing. {#Lol}
Posted 16 years ago by flyboy50    [ Reply ]
Heh heh heh! Here we are sitting listening to this.......and we're surrounded in our little cottage by Bovines! Hope they ain't got no guns....sure like 'em in buns though. Thanks for playing this Bill.... a great laugh.Mooooootastic! Yeah we're both retarded.
Posted 16 years ago by ClaireWild    [ Reply ]

For the life of me I can't understand how this has a rating 1 point higher than TMBG's Cowtown, which usually plays right before it.  They are both tongue in cheek songs about cows.  TMBG's has highly creative melody, instrument arrangement, and lyrics.  This one sounds like Johnny Cash's much less successful younger brother.
Somebody help me out...


Posted 16 years ago by window    [ Reply ]
 sunybuny wrote:
Very funny.... but I'm still a meatatarian. Where's my A1?
 

I'm with you, Suny!!  Give me a thick, juicy steak!!  (and hold the A1, if it's prime meat)
Posted 16 years ago by philbertr    [ Reply ]
"....with revolutionary veal..."   
Posted 16 years ago by hobiejoe    [ Reply ]
I've heard it only twice in four years - at that frequency it remains a 9 in my estimate. If I heard it more often, I probably wouldn't find it so entertaining.
Posted 16 years ago by ellenaut    [ Reply ]
awesome in its own wacky way.  +1 not often but don't delete.  ;)
Posted 16 years ago by maplebed    [ Reply ]
My vote for the most unusual song I ever heard on RP goes to this.  Thanks for the laugh!
Posted 16 years ago by casey1024    [ Reply ]
I had only heard this associated with an online animation.  Glad to hear it here!  Followed by "Shoot Doris Day" - Super Furry Animals.

Yep, BillG's on a roll.....
Posted 16 years ago by Pyro    [ Reply ]
I never want to hear this again.
Posted 16 years ago by HoneyBearKelly    [ Reply ]
Nice...can't stop laughing!
Posted 16 years ago by o2bnsv    [ Reply ]
Very funny.... but I'm still a meatatarian. Where's my A1?
Posted 16 years ago by sunybuny    [ Reply ]
My beloved Radio Paradise cow-themed set!! What joy, what meaty, meaty joy.
Posted 16 years ago by suzebee    [ Reply ]
{#Stop}
Posted 16 years ago by DeeCee1109    [ Reply ]
Cow well hung?!!!  Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Posted 16 years ago by skdenfeld    [ Reply ]
Not something I want to hear all the time - but funny!
Posted 16 years ago by vivakitty    [ Reply ]
Freaking moooolarious!
Posted 16 years ago by KahunaMatata    [ Reply ]
eat mor chikin
Posted 16 years ago by WonderLizard    [ Reply ]
A station-changing song.........
Posted 16 years ago by AphidA    [ Reply ]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkHCDkYkYnk
Posted 17 years ago by sqqqrly    [ Reply ]
KSTrillian wrote:
Who's Edie?
Hey, Hippiechick- I figured it out- those are the guitar chords, so when separated, it makes some sense: We will (F)fight for bovine (C)freedom And (E) hold our large heads (Am) high We will (F) run free with the (C) Buffalo, or (E) die Cows with guns
Posted 17 years ago by fretman    [ Reply ]
bokey wrote:
Exactly!
Posted 17 years ago by Nabla    [ Reply ]
canadianbug wrote:
this is so retarded!
Hey, I resemble that remark! It IS truly goofy. But that's okay. Sometimes we all need some goofiness. Bill's on a roll today, might as well roll with it. c. ps. Ha! As I wrote the 'roll' line, Cake's 'Wheels' comes on. Creepy...
Posted 17 years ago by cc_rider    [ Reply ]
Hilarious! Thanks, Bill!
Posted 17 years ago by Kristi    [ Reply ]
This is one of those songs you only need to hear once in a lifetime. Any more than that is too much.
Posted 17 years ago by Hannio    [ Reply ]
ncollingridge wrote:
Fun, or simply stupid? It's certainly not Monty Python...
Stupid.
Posted 17 years ago by stephq123    [ Reply ]
unanimous office decision to change our listening selection after that one. bummer :(
Posted 17 years ago by techer2    [ Reply ]
That was so funny! Nice break.
Posted 17 years ago by dixiedeb    [ Reply ]
Posted 17 years ago by bokey    [ Reply ]
Bill either loves this tune, or Elsie is just screwing with us... 9 just the same.
Posted 17 years ago by trekhead    [ Reply ]
Good Laugh
Posted 17 years ago by davezilko    [ Reply ]
(..sniff) brought a tear to my eye...
Posted 17 years ago by kaviksdad    [ Reply ]
Imkirok wrote:
What do you call a cow with no legs? --- Ground beef.
"Cows on Buns"
Posted 17 years ago by swampaholic    [ Reply ]
I love this song. Great cow puns.
Posted 17 years ago by rtrudeau    [ Reply ]
Hannio wrote:
So, you're saying they taste funny to you?
Ha. lmao, perfect!
Posted 17 years ago by Buzzardcheater    [ Reply ]
...
Posted 17 years ago by Nabla    [ Reply ]
I needed the laugh!
Posted 17 years ago by chefhahn    [ Reply ]
Fun, or simply stupid? It's certainly not Monty Python...
Posted 17 years ago by ncollingridge    [ Reply ]
A mooooving experience!
Posted 17 years ago by Ubaldo    [ Reply ]
milehighYinzer wrote:
I hope William Shatner doesn't do a version of this.............
I don't know. It might be his biggest hit.
Posted 17 years ago by n4ku    [ Reply ]
BIL++ jdorn1 wrote:
Is there ANY Boiled in lead on RP?
Posted 17 years ago by RussNelson    [ Reply ]
suddenchad wrote:
I am a tolerant man, but this is one of the few songs (and I really mean FEW) that will make me turn off RP. The gag is mildly humorous until about the first time he says the song title. Then it's just massive tedium for the duration. Sorry. I rarely write to bag on songs I don't like, but this does it to me.
You need to seriously lighten up, I mean this plays maybe once a month if that, and its just too funny!! Just go to the water cooler or something....
Posted 17 years ago by Shesdifferent    [ Reply ]
I love it! What a crack up!
Posted 17 years ago by kittyhawk    [ Reply ]
the greatest thing i've ever heard
Posted 17 years ago by themotion    [ Reply ]
Hahaha, great.
Posted 17 years ago by Wolf825    [ Reply ]
Yay!
Posted 17 years ago by keemun    [ Reply ]
Bill, you frighten me. c.
Posted 17 years ago by cc_rider    [ Reply ]
Simply awesome
Posted 17 years ago by Bad_Art    [ Reply ]
Jedzz wrote:
Wow. Dr. Demento comes to Radio Paradise. Any chance we'll get a Weird Al song or two on here then?
Sadly, my Compleat Weird Al CDs are in a box somewhere in my parental units' basement, and I only ripped 128 AAC. Not good enough for upload. I think RP is ready for some Albuquerque, don't you?
Posted 17 years ago by UltraNurd    [ Reply ]
I have seen this video. It is hillarious (and brilliant).
Posted 17 years ago by Marina1    [ Reply ]
Wow. Dr. Demento comes to Radio Paradise. Any chance we'll get a Weird Al song or two on here then?
Posted 17 years ago by Jedzz    [ Reply ]
Dude, life is really not that bad, you know. suddenchad wrote:
I am a tolerant man, but this is one of the few songs (and I really mean FEW) that will make me turn off RP. The gag is mildly humorous until about the first time he says the song title. Then it's just massive tedium for the duration. Sorry. I rarely write to bag on songs I don't like, but this does it to me.
Posted 17 years ago by xkolibuul    [ Reply ]
suddenchad wrote:
I am a tolerant man, but this is one of the few songs (and I really mean FEW) that will make me turn off RP. The gag is mildly humorous until about the first time he says the song title. Then it's just massive tedium for the duration. Sorry. I rarely write to bag on songs I don't like, but this does it to me.
Dude, it's just a song... a fun and silly song. It plays like once a month or something... not enough but always fun.
Posted 17 years ago by truescorpio    [ Reply ]
suddenchad wrote:
I am a tolerant man, but this is one of the few songs (and I really mean FEW) that will make me turn off RP. The gag is mildly humorous until about the first time he says the song title. Then it's just massive tedium for the duration. Sorry. I rarely write to bag on songs I don't like, but this does it to me.
agreed. what is this?
Posted 17 years ago by calray    [ Reply ]
hippiechick wrote:
We will Ffight for bovine Cfreedom And Ehold our large heads Amhigh We will Frun free with the CBuffalo, or Edie Cows with guns
Who's Edie?
Posted 17 years ago by KSTrillian    [ Reply ]
LOL funny!!
Posted 17 years ago by ashbird    [ Reply ]
Life might get "interesting" if my cows heard this.
Posted 17 years ago by AnchorMan    [ Reply ]
https://www.shagrat.net/Portfolio/cows.swf
Posted 17 years ago by timc    [ Reply ]
diggin' it!
Posted 17 years ago by beakersbeats    [ Reply ]
The link isnt working for me, can someone repost it.
Posted 17 years ago by GChevy410    [ Reply ]
I just logged in to express my appreciation for this song. well done! hehe.
Posted 17 years ago by orionblu    [ Reply ]
What do you call a cow with no legs? --- Ground beef.
Posted 17 years ago by Imkirok    [ Reply ]
I hope William Shatner doesn't do a version of this.............
Posted 17 years ago by milehighYinzer    [ Reply ]
Haven't posted in about 8 months, no question the best song played on RP in that time. -Tobal
Posted 17 years ago by TobalMoreno    [ Reply ]
I am a tolerant man, but this is one of the few songs (and I really mean FEW) that will make me turn off RP. The gag is mildly humorous until about the first time he says the song title. Then it's just massive tedium for the duration. Sorry. I rarely write to bag on songs I don't like, but this does it to me.
Posted 17 years ago by suddenchad    [ Reply ]
wow, havent heard this since kpig days ! lol
Posted 17 years ago by CCinSB    [ Reply ]
https://www.cowswithguns.com/
Posted 17 years ago by meydele    [ Reply ]
AmFat and docile, big and dumb They look so stupid, they aren't much fun GCows aren't Amfun They eat to grow, grow to die Die to be et at the hamburger fry Cows well done Nobody thunk it, nobody knew No one imagined the great cow guru Cows are one He hid in the forest, read books with great zeal He loved Che Guevera, a revolutionary veal Cow Tse Tongue He spoke about justice, but nobody stirred He felt like an outcast, alone in the herd Cow doldrums He mooed we must fight, escape or we'll die Cows gathered around, cause the steaks were so high Bad cow pun But then he was captured, stuffed into a crate Loaded onto a truck, where he rode to his fate Cows are bummed He was a scrawny calf, who looked rather woozy No one suspected he was packing an Uzi Cows with guns They came with a needle to stick in his thigh He kicked for the groin, he pissed in their eye Cow well hung Knocked over a tractor and ran for the door Six gallons of gas flowed out on the floor Run cows run! He picked up a bullhorn and jumped up on the hay We are free roving bovines, we run free today We will Ffight for bovine Cfreedom And Ehold our large heads Amhigh We will Frun free with the CBuffalo, or Edie Cows with guns They crashed the gate in a great stampede Tipped over a milk truck, torched all the feed Cows have fun Sixty police cars were piled in a heap Covered in cow pies, covered up deep Much cow dung Black smoke rising, darkening the day Twelve burning McDonalds, have it your way We will fight for bovine freedom And hold our large heads high We will run free with the Buffalo, or die Cows with guns The President said "enough is enough These uppity cattle, its time to get tough" Cow dung flung The newspapers gloated, folks sighed with relief Tomorrow at noon, they would all be ground beef Cows on buns The cows were surrounded, they waited and prayed They mooed their last moos, they chewed their last hay Cows out gunned The order was given to turn cows to whoppers Enforced by the might of ten thousand coppers But on the horizon surrounding the shoppers Came the deafening roar of chickens in choppers We will fight for bovine freedom And hold our large heads high We will run free with the Buffalo, or die Cows with guns Copyright 1996 Lyons Brothers Music (BMI) PO Box 2627, Bellingham, WA 98227 USA All Rights Reserved www.danalyons.com
Posted 17 years ago by hippiechick    [ Reply ]
Posted 17 years ago by slartibart_O    [ Reply ]
this is so retarded!
Posted 17 years ago by canadianbug    [ Reply ]
Is there ANY Boiled in lead on RP? I was just reminded of them listening to Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. serinde wrote:
They really need to follow this up with "Hook'em Cow" by Boiled in Lead.
Posted 17 years ago by jdorn1    [ Reply ]
bluedot wrote:
hilarious. this is why i stopped eating cow many years ago!
So, you're saying they taste funny to you?
Posted 17 years ago by Hannio    [ Reply ]
Gary Larson would be proud of the imagery in this tune....
Posted 17 years ago by fretman    [ Reply ]
outSTANDing! This was one of my friend's favorite songs to play when she was in a fun mood in college. I haven't heard it since! Thanks!! Fun Memories! "we will fight for bovine freedom!!"
Posted 17 years ago by KSTrillian    [ Reply ]
Yeah!!! Go cows, go! Moo! I love this song! I love Radio Paradise!
Posted 17 years ago by juliamak    [ Reply ]
Posted 17 years ago by liser    [ Reply ]
Fun song.
Posted 17 years ago by camworld    [ Reply ]
I always thought this was Garrison Keillor for some reason...
Posted 17 years ago by turbowaffle    [ Reply ]
Stirring. Deeply stirring.
Posted 18 years ago by winter    [ Reply ]
Great follow on to Warren Zevon Lawyers, Guns and Money!
Posted 18 years ago by laozilover    [ Reply ]
Check out the video! https://www.theflasharchive.com/f/f-50.htm Edit: April 5, This has to be one of my top ten!!
Posted 18 years ago by Shesdifferent    [ Reply ]
HELL YEAH!!! GRADE 'A' SONG!
Posted 18 years ago by mysteryplane    [ Reply ]
"..The steaks were high..." "Bad cow pun" I LOL'ed
Posted 18 years ago by blastmeh    [ Reply ]
About 7/100th as funny as Kip Adotta's "Wet Dream".
Posted 18 years ago by Art_Carnage    [ Reply ]
Ok...this guy's got too much time on his hands
Posted 18 years ago by Shesdifferent    [ Reply ]
I sense a new block theme. I can only hope it gets sillier. =)
Posted 18 years ago by Euphemism    [ Reply ]
Hoot! I gotta upload some Greg Keeler. . . .
Posted 18 years ago by Xeric    [ Reply ]
eat mor chikin.... or else.
Posted 18 years ago by FamilyMan    [ Reply ]
OH MY GOD I MISSED THIS SONG!
Posted 18 years ago by stinkycheese    [ Reply ]
Here's the flash video (this link works!) (click here)
Posted 18 years ago by Pyro    [ Reply ]
OH, DEAR! OK -- no hamburger for lunch....
Posted 18 years ago by Kagin    [ Reply ]
COOL! OK Bill, how about some "Fish Heads" now?
Posted 18 years ago by racerx    [ Reply ]
Wha?
Posted 18 years ago by xouba    [ Reply ]
not big on novelty songs unless, of course, it's Shatner.
Posted 18 years ago by Egrey    [ Reply ]
They really need to follow this up with "Hook'em Cow" by Boiled in Lead.
Posted 18 years ago by serinde    [ Reply ]
As we say in Boston... Wickit funny
Posted 18 years ago by Kite_Flyer    [ Reply ]
'Cow Zedong' gives this song an extra point.
Posted 18 years ago by ElSupreme    [ Reply ]
Did I hear Cow Tse-Tung in there?
Posted 18 years ago by Hannio    [ Reply ]
Oh...man. -mt-
Posted 18 years ago by mattt    [ Reply ]
Simple, but HILARIOUS!!!
Posted 18 years ago by ploafmaster    [ Reply ]
Very amusing!
Posted 18 years ago by Jennnn    [ Reply ]
fantastic! I can't believe that RP has heard of this "eco savant" campfire classic, either! Now to get it on the soundtrack to the upcoming "Monkeywrench Gang" film!
Posted 18 years ago by ursus    [ Reply ]
I can't BELIEVE Rp has heard of this song and is actually playing it. A friend of mine, a great songwriter and one of my favorite songwriters of all time (Jeff Davidsmeyer) of the New Goats Ensemble (click here) thinks this is the funniest songwriter ALIVE. I have to agree! This one gets a ten.
Posted 18 years ago by pianocomposer    [ Reply ]
Needs more cowbell.
Posted 19 years ago by Baby_M    [ Reply ]
hilarious. this is why i stopped eating cow many years ago!
Posted 20 years ago by bluedot    [ Reply ]
It has a certain idiot savant charm to it. As long as you don't take this song too seriously it is rather enjoyable.
Posted 20 years ago by topherg87    [ Reply ]
Yeah, kinda funny... But, "novelty songs" are good for one or two listens if ya ask me. Ok, Horton heat's "Interracial Cowboy Homo Kind of Love" is evergreen if ya ask me. I love putting that one on mix CDs.
Posted 20 years ago by mc    [ Reply ]
COW DUNG FLUNG? COWS ON BUNS? BAD COW PUN? Fantastico!!!
Posted 20 years ago by moocray    [ Reply ]
Why not back this up with the Curley Shuffle? ...how did this make the cut? ...time to start the Weird Al marathon!
Posted 20 years ago by VV    [ Reply ]
"bad cow pun"--oh, this just slays me!
Posted 20 years ago by rgj13    [ Reply ]
Rampant_Gecko wrote:
Here's the flash video for the song, (click here) Quite a bit of fun.
Shucks! This page won't load.
Posted 20 years ago by Antigone    [ Reply ]
How can this guy keep a straight face while he sings this?
Posted 20 years ago by Antigone    [ Reply ]
This is quite a silly Friday morning. Manu Chau, TNBG, and now this ! I love it. :propeller.gif:
Posted 20 years ago by johkir    [ Reply ]
Posted 20 years ago by archrrone    [ Reply ]
Udderly ridiculous. Though I'm sure the PETA wackos love it.
Posted 20 years ago by Art_Carnage    [ Reply ]
Hilarious
Posted 20 years ago by t66tah    [ Reply ]
Oh my Goodness! This is the funniest song, I am just tickled! This guy is sick! I love it!
Posted 20 years ago by ChristinaT    [ Reply ]
Here's the flash video for the song, (click here) Quite a bit of fun.
Posted 20 years ago by Rampant_Gecko    [ Reply ]