As a daughter of two military men, real dad (Navy) and step dad (Marine) I would like to share some background here. My Step father was badly wounded in Viet Nam, via exploding bouncing Betty Mine while showing platoon how to dismantle. Killed entire platoon except for him. By shielding his left side with his arm, his left ear and eye were lost...He begged them not to take his arm.

A bitter, spiteful and contradictory man who blatantly displayed his resentment at my mother's first marriage by aiming it at me.  My mother, in her sincere, but misguided love for the tortured soul behind the body and tough facade, indulged in his bullying, even agreeing with him - telling me later that "I should Understand."  
The message was clear: Pity meant you get away with things no one else would put up with. You get to be a bully - everyone giving you a pass on being an ass.

Not surprisingly, I left home within months of graduating high school at 17.

* * * * * 
Forward 40+ years and I am forced back to the geography of my youth, no longer of my choosing. Now I see with adult eyes what indulging in mean behavior from someone who is in pain truly means.

Neither winds of war, horror, loss, death, pain or disability is license to be cruel or mean. Abuse is abuse. There is never an excuse, otherwise mankind would have vanished from this planet eons ago. The greatest stories of our heroes are those who don't allow the Fates to make them Bitter; but miraculously separate the dross from the gold and move past it, into something Transformative.

No licenses are given in this life - All of us deal with horrors of many kinds. Doesn't mean we should freely poop them on someone else's doorstep. 

2¢