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Snipets of memories from my childhood or figments of my imagination:   

Posted by twilajane - Nov 20, 2013 - 8:41am
Snipets of memories from my childhood or figments of my imagination:    
These events really happened, but due to my coma I battle my memories all the time.
                 

I’m 15 and I’m in a coma, I feel like I’m in a dream state of mind.  I’m above my body and I see people coming in to see me.  I see my sister come in with her boyfriend, he was African American but I didn't know she was in a biracial relationship, my father would not have approved of any of us being with an African American man.



It’s Summer time, I think I was around 5 years old.  The neighborhood kids were playing hide & seek and it was my turn to count.  I was on Home Base, which was the back porch of my sister’s friend Tina’s apartment.  Tina’s parents were estranged from one another.  As I sat there counting with my eyes closed, I heard several bangs.

There were always fireworks being lit, I just thought it was firecrackers and kept counting.  All of a sudden, the bangs started getting louder and it sounded like someone was lighting firecrackers and dropping them in a big can.

I was almost to 100 when the screen door flew open and Tina’s mom fell over me as she was trying to dodge bullets that were hitting her.  There she was laying there, blood was everywhere, and it looked like red paint.  It’s like a movie clip playing in my mind.

Later as I got older,  I found out that the sounds I thought were firecrackers being lit and thrown into a can was actually bullets riddling the washer and dryer that she past as she was running out the back door.  It was by the grace of God, or the Universe, that none of those bullets hit me.

 

 


6 comments on this journal entry.
twilajane

twilajane Avatar



Posted: Nov 25, 2013 - 1:47pm

The time has come for me to face reality, I need to set her free and find my own path. 

Thank you HelenofJoy{#Good-vibes}
helenofjoy
What Day Is This?
helenofjoy Avatar

Location: Lincoln, Nebraska


Posted: Nov 25, 2013 - 8:05am

I might suggest you don't wait for someone to come save you.  She is on another path and you need to find yours.  {#Meditate}


twilajane

twilajane Avatar



Posted: Nov 24, 2013 - 8:09pm

That's ok, thank you for your words.
All this would get behind me if my knight-tress in shining armor {#War}
were to come back into my life, she made it all disappear.  
helenofjoy
What Day Is This?
helenofjoy Avatar

Location: Lincoln, Nebraska


Posted: Nov 24, 2013 - 6:25pm

What an astounding revelation!  I'm so sorry for what you've had to learn to cope with. I made an incorrect assumption that you were younger in years than you are and this new knowledge about you explains why I might think that.  God bless your heart.  I wish I could comfort you.  I can only try to imagine what you've felt going through a life where chaos reigns.  I'm so glad you found these people here at RP and  you have a place where you feel safe enough to share your life experiences.  I apologize for being so patronizing. {#Hug}
twilajane

twilajane Avatar



Posted: Nov 21, 2013 - 2:48pm

Yes I have but each time I come back, my spirit is still unbroken.

This is my therapy, I am discovering who I really am at age 47.

These and other tragic events have caused me to have PTSD, the stigma that surrounds this disorder needs to change.

I just know some day my mind will be at peace.
kurtster

kurtster Avatar

Location: drifting


Posted: Nov 21, 2013 - 11:36am

You've had a rough life evidently.  Pardon the understatement.

Sounds like you are attempting to reconcile your past so that you can recover from it and move on to new and happier thoughts and better times ahead.

This being a music site an all, your remarks remind me of the title of a Stones album, Through The Past, Darkly.

I hope that these efforts lead you to better things ahead and peace within.

{#Meditate}